Over the last few months, I’ve been learning some really
valuable lessons about the dance we call life. Our lives, our jobs, our
relationships, our weather (if you live in Halifax) and even our world are
dynamic. We work hard to create systems and procedures to limit discrepancy and
build stability. But, at the end of the day we always say: let’s control what we can, implying and admitting that there is a
whole range of matters we could never control or predict.
A few days ago, I was laying down on my mat waiting for my
yoga class to begin and before we even started, I began to think about the next
60 minutes and dreading all the poses I struggle with… already getting myself
overwhelmed and agitated. A few short breaths later, the instructor walked into
the classroom and started the class, I surrendered my fate to another yoga
practice and decided to get on board with the program. As we went through the
series, we hit all of my dreaded poses from Warrior II to Toppling Tree and
Dancer Pose. Each time we reached one of these poses I could feel my body tense
up and I could hear my mind demanding rest, but to my surprise, I persevered
and got through the entire class. The irony is that this happens every time I
go into class.
The more I show up to a yoga class practice, the more I
notice how my body reacts differently to the same 40 pose series. Sometimes my
body is tense and other times it’s really flexible and responsive. Periodically
my mind is really busy, thinking about emails and plans after class that I’m
not mentally present yet other times I’m as present and as Namasted as Ghandi
himself.
Maybe I’ve been spending way too
much time on my mat this month, but I’m starting to extract lessons from my time
on the mat. It appears to me that life is a lot like a yoga practice; sometimes
I’m on the top of my game and other times I’m hustling just to keep up. But in
yoga, as much as it is in life, the only way to overcome what challenges we
face is to lean in. Big, medium or small we have to deal with them to move
forward and grow. And from my time on the mat, I’m starting to believe that how
we deal with any challenge matters a whole lot more than the challenge itself.
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I wrote the section above over 4 months ago. It was during a
period where I was experiencing some personal and professional challenges and
tried to use writing as a medium to process my experience. What the section
above is missing, and ultimately why I didn’t publish it back then, is what guides
me through the challenge-facing experience (The Rising Strong process, in Brene
Brown’s lingo). And to be honest, I had been stuck. I noticed a bunch of what
seemed to me as disjointed and unrelated solutions that helped my Rising Strong
process, but I couldn’t draw a pattern or weave a story.
About four weeks ago, Justine and I started hosting a weekly
round table discussion at our place called Keepin’
it Real. It’s designed to dig into questions and ideas around identity.
What voices shape our identity, what are they telling us about who we are and
how it’s pushing us to react. Ron, who was leading the discussion that night, started us off by showing the Choose
Beautiful campaign by Dove. In
the video, Dove, branded two side by
side doors at a mall. One door read beautiful
while the other one read average. As
women walked into the mall the words above the doors drove them to stop
immediately and assess how they view themselves. Based on their perceptions of
themselves, the women made a conscious decision about which door they felt
described them best.
Within minutes the question was not about beauty and for
some reason the group started to talk about value. We were deliberating whether
we seek beauty, success, wealth, importance, fame among many other identities
in life because we want to be seen as of value. We imagined that the world
would view us as more precious, as more significant and ultimately as more
valuable… if we had that corner office, when we lose 30 pounds, and after we
make our first million.
My heart instantly felt heavy. My Hustler attitude started to depress me as a concept because what
I’m actually hustling for is my self-worth and validation. My mind was racing
at a million miles an hour… When suddenly, it all clicked. The only way to
ultimately navigate change and survive the challenges that life throws at me is
to recognize my intrinsic self-worth and perpetual value. It is to recognize
that there is something extremely divine and significant in our shared humanity
and our limitations. And most of all, embracing the refreshing FREEDOM that
comes from admitting that I don’t have it all together, allowing me to invite
community into my life.
Friends, three months later, I think I finally got it.
It is only when we believe that we are valuable, we face our challenges with
determination and enthusiasm because we know that these challenges don’t define
who we are… They merely contribute to the richness of our story.
